The National Conservatism Conference — a gathering of Europe’s hard-right elite — sounded about as much fun as an emergency colonoscopy but it was actually a whole lot of fun. Local authorities fell over themselves to not host the event, and (presumably) catering companies across Brussels were given last-minute orders for a lot of finger food that … Read more
“It is very easy to sit in Berlin and have an opinion about our affairs in Botswana. We are paying the price for preserving these animals for the world,” the president of the southern African country said. “We want our elephants to roam freely. The German weather is bad enough for them,” Masisi said. “If … Read more
The journalists who now work in the palace quickly made a discovery: There’s a secret door hidden behind a bookcase. Just like in all the best spy films, the bookcase swings open to reveal an old wooden door through which lies a staircase that leads to the courtyard to escape if, for example, you were … Read more
Actually, maybe it’s more of a documentary, based on Putin and Trump’s actions this week. Trump, in an interview with Nigel Farage that is best viewed while wearing a full-body condom, warned that Prince Harry could be deported from the United States if he lied about taking drugs on his American visa application. The prince … Read more
Adam Kinzinger, a former Republican lawmaker, was even more specific, saying that the Trump odor is “not good. The easiest way to explain it … take armpits, ketchup, a butt and makeup and put that … in a blender and bottle that as a cologne.” Anyway, now there is an actual Trump cologne, and a … Read more
Hours before the Super Bowl kicked off — a game in which the pop star featured prominently on TV as her boyfriend, Kansas City Chiefs star Travis Kelce, was playing — Trump took to social media to claim that a possible endorsement of Biden would be disloyal to her moneymaker. “There’s no way she could endorse Crooked … Read more
Welcome to Declassified, a weekly humor column. Happy New Year to you all from the 13th floor of POLITICO Towers. Declassified saw in 2024 in the traditional manner: at home, bare-chested, drunk and writing down a list of nicknames for when the inevitable happens and comedy’s great savior, Donald Trump, returns to the White House … Read more
Press play to listen to this article Voiced by artificial intelligence. Welcome to a special POLITICO 28 edition of Declassified, a weekly humor column. So, as 2023 staggers to a close like a bloody-nosed drunk lurching down the street on the way to the all-night garage, there’s one main takeaway: Never rule out terrible people … Read more
