Adam Kinzinger, a former Republican lawmaker, was even more specific, saying that the Trump odor is “not good. The easiest way to explain it … take armpits, ketchup, a butt and makeup and put that … in a blender and bottle that as a cologne.”
Anyway, now there is an actual Trump cologne, and a perfume!
Remember when Gwyneth Paltrow started selling a candle called “This smells like my vagina”? Well Trump has decided not to call his fragrance “This smells like my armpits and butt,” and instead gone for Victory 47 (whoever wins this fall’s election will be the 47th president of the United States — classy!).
It costs a mere $99, and looks like the worst kind of tourist tat. The perfume bottle is shaped like a curvaceous lady (in case you hadn’t already thrown up inside your own mouth), while the cologne bottle features a gold (read: plastic) effigy of Trump’s head (in case you still hadn’t already thrown up inside your own mouth).
According to the official blurb about the cologne: “A crisp opening of citrus blends into a cedar heart, underpinned by a rich base of leather and amber, crafting a commanding presence.” Nope, me neither. The perfume, meanwhile, “captures the essence of feminine strength and elegance. Infused with a blend of light floral notes, hints of citrus zest, and a whisper of spice, this scent is for the woman who embraces her victories with grace and allure.” A bit like Stormy Daniels.
Alas, while you can order the smells, you’re too late to get your hands on a pair of “Never-Surrender” high-top sneakers, which have sold out despite costing $399. They sound ideal for anyone wanting to storm the Capitol.
