It Ends With Us is about an abusive relationship. So why is the marketing so light-hearted?

WARNING: This article may affect those who have experienced​ ​​​sexual violence or know someone affected by it. 

As audiences flock to see It Ends With Us in theatres, there’s concern that the movie’s breezy marketing campaign is sending the wrong message about its serious subject matter — intimate partner violence.  

Starring Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni, who is also the film’s director, It Ends With Us is based on the bestselling Colleen Hoover novel of the same name. The movie, which has surpassed the $100 million US mark at the box office, chronicles the life of protagonist Lily Bloom as she navigates a relationship with an abusive partner.

Critics have raised concerns that promotional material for the film, much of it featuring Lively speaking with other cast members in light-hearted segments set in a flower shop, is inappropriate considering the story’s subject matter. 

People who work with those who’ve experienced intimate partner violence in Canada say it’s a good thing that the subject is receiving media attention, but that it’s also important that audiences understand some of the complexities of abusive relationships that may not be captured in a Hollywood movie. 

Hollywood not likely to tackle issue of abuse

Karen Mason, the executive director and co-founder of Supporting Survivors of Abuse and Brain Injury Through Research (SOAR) has been following the marketing of It Ends With Us and says it’s clear the movie’s promotion is more focused on the romance angle.

“While that seems a bit odd to me, given the focus on intimate partner violence is such an important part of the story, we have to understand this is Hollywood, this is a commercial film,” she said. 

“The goal is to get bums in seats eventually and make money.”

Mason says she thinks there’s only so much that can be done within the Hollywood promotional machine to focus on intimate partner violence because people don’t want to talk about it.

“We don’t like to admit that it’s going on, particularly to the extent it is,” she said. “We know in Canada, 44 per cent of women and girls — that’s almost half — report violence at the hands of a partner in their lifetime.”

Mason noted that many women don’t report or acknowledge abuse because of shame, stigma, or the fact that they may not even recognize that it’s occurring in their relationship.

She says interviews that she’s seen from director Baldoni, who also plays the abusive partner in the film, have been more focused on the film’s subject matter.

“Justin Baldoni seems to be making an effort to focus on the fact that intimate partner violence is a key piece of this story and of Lily’s story, and bringing up the issue quite quickly in interviews and not making it necessarily about himself but about women,” Mason said. 

However, a clip of Lively urging potential viewers to “grab your friends, wear your florals, and head out to see it,” has drawn particular ire.

Mason says that line didn’t sit well with her and probably didn’t sit well with others, either. 

“While absolutely women should go together and support each other in seeing this film, I think suggesting it’s a fun girls night out where you might, you know, go for a pedicure, a manicure and a glass of champagne first isn’t necessarily appropriate.”

While she thinks Lively has had some insightful things to say on the film’s subject matter, Mason says those comments are often buried in the interview, while lines like “wear your florals” go viral.

In recent days, Lively has also used her Instagram account to share a list of resources for those who have experienced intimate partner violence. The film’s Instagram account has also shared a viewer’s guide.

Real life complexity

Anuradha Dugal, the executive director of Women’s Shelters Canada, says the movie’s story skips over difficult aspects of leaving an abusive relationship.

“The journey that this character is on is tied up quite neatly,” she said.

Dugal points to the protagonist experiencing minimal on-screen friction after broaching the topic of divorce with her abusive partner, having that partner’s sister support her and ending the movie with a potential new romance as elements that make the experience of leaving an abusive relationship appear more simple than it can be in real life.

While Dugal says that may be a nice outcome in the case of the film, she says it’s rare in real life, where “cases are very much more complex” and require women’s shelters to offer a variety of services and resources.

“Shelters in Canada don’t just offer, like, a bed to sleep in or a transition period,” she said. “They also offer safety planning. They offer housing support, they offer immigration support. They offer financial management skills. They offer support with custody battles.”

“This film glosses over a lot of that,” said Dugal, adding that it’s important that more people become familiar with the reality of the subject matter. 

She says if people go into the film understanding that it’s just a representation of a real-life situation and are willing to listen and learn about what resources are available, how prevalent abuse is and how they can help shift that, “then in essence, the movie has done something that I can accept.” 

But Dugal says she worries about what happens if the movie results in people thinking that leaving an abusive partner is easy and everything will work out. She says this can result in people judging the women in their lives and wondering why they don’t just leave like Lily Bloom does.

“Then there’s a problem.”  

In a clip shared by The Associated Press Wednesday, director Baldoni said that he can imagine how hard it would be for anyone who has actually lived intimate partner violence to imagine their experience being part of a romance novel.

“To them, I would just offer that we were very intentional in the making of this movie,” he said.

Both Mason and Dugal say anyone who is experiencing or has experienced intimate partner violence and is looking for support can use sheltersafe.ca, a national website created and run by Women’s Shelters Canada, which offers a nationwide map with links to resources.

For anyone affected by family or intimate partner violence, there is support available through crisis lines and local support services. ​​If you’re in immediate danger or fear for your safety or that of others around you, please call 911.