DEAR ABBY: I have a 25-year-old niece, “Meadow,” who embraces the hippie lifestyle. She’s kind and sweet and loves everyone. She has also opposed “the Establishment.” She’s heavily tattooed and has several facial piercings and thick underarm hair.
My son is the complete opposite. He is in the business world and is very professional in his manner and dress. He’s getting married in three months to a lovely girl. Meadow is invited because she wanted to come. My son is nervous about her coming to the wedding. He doesn’t know Meadow that well. They were close as kids but haven’t seen much of each other in adulthood.
My son is worried Meadow will wear an outfit that will display the tattoos and her bushy underarm hair. He’s afraid she will be a spectacle, and her appearance will become the focus of the wedding and not his lovely bride. He’s also worried someone will ridicule or comment about Meadow, and he will then have to defend her, causing a disruption. None of us are close to Meadow or feel comfortable with her appearance. How do we handle her presence at the wedding? — CONFORMING IN CAROLINA
DEAR CONFORMING: Excuse me. Who invited this counter-culture cousin to the wedding? The time to have raised these issues was before the invitations were sent out. If Meadow is already invited, it would be terrible to disinvite her.
If someone comments on her appearance, I’m sure it won’t be the first time she has heard it. If it happens, resist the urge to rush to her defense. Simply explain calmly that Meadow is there because she’s family. (It’s the truth.) As to her upstaging your son’s bride, that won’t happen if Meadow is seated at a distance from the altar.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
