What being a fake marriage celebrant taught me about comfort zones

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Personally, I’m bored by everyone banging on about how stepping outside your comfort zone has results akin to the high of, say, winning Super 66. Wasn’t even sure the comfort zone is a real thing.

You know what, it is. The origins of the idea go back to 1908, when two psychologists developed the Yerkes-Dodson law stating that performance increases as stress increases and vice versa. Up to a point, anyway.

A quick internet suss. The same year Katie and Tom met, Yale University neuroscientists found being out of your depth in an uncertain situation might be uncomfortable, but your brain stops learning if you’re not at least a touch stressed about the outcome of what you’re doing.

To figure it out, they used monkeys who were rewarded with juice if they threw things successfully at targets. Sometimes, the treat-giving targets were switched up. While the monkeys played, their brain activity was monitored. When they couldn’t anticipate what would happen, their learning centres lit up. Unpredictability switches on brains.

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Between an obsession with Reacher on Netflix and regular nougat, Lord knew my brain could do with a jolt. And so, last week I found myself standing beside two precious people on their serious, beautiful, life changing big day.

Before declaring Katie and Tom husband and wife, I declared my ring-in status to the dearly beloved gathered at a North Melbourne warehouse. And also that an official celebrant was on hand to not just sign off on legalities but act as stunt double if I needed a lie down (slash ugly cry).

Now, I am loving to declare to all here present that while I was so far out of my comfort zone I saw a doctor to ask if taking a pre-ceremony beta blocker would help (“no, you’ll faint”), it all worked out fine, with just a couple of wobbles.

So fine that half an hour later, drink in hand, I wanted to do it again. Could only half concentrate on socialising because I was thinking about the trap of complacency and how expanding your stagnating world through scary stuff is truly exhilarating.

Here’s to more of it. And to a long, happy and challenging marriage for gorgeous Tom and Katie.

Kate Halfpenny is the founder of Bad Mother Media.

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