It’s one of the signs of impending apocalypse. The sun turns black. Beasts tremble. The Daily Mail launches its own TV talkshow. I’m going into my bunker and barricading the hatch.
The Mail previously hosted video content on its own paid-for app, but is airing this weekly yakathon free on YouTube.
The Reaction – a title that whiffs of a placeholder they forgot to replace – is hosted by Andrew Pierce and Sarah Vine. They bill it as “forthright opinions, a few falling-outs and hopefully some fun”. The word “hopefully” does a lot of heavy lifting.
If you’ve never heard of these hip young gunslingers, I envy you. Vine is a superannuated columnist and former spouse of Michael Gove. She still holds court on the hellsite-formerly-known-as-Twitter under the handle @WestminsterWAG, despite she and Gove divorcing two years ago.
Her co-presenter Pierce hosts a morning show on GB News and has the social media moniker @toryboypierce (how impartial). The duo claim to have been friends for 20 years, hence having all the easy chemistry of late-stage Holly and Phil.
This launch was hyped on the Mail’s front page with the headline: “What WILL Sarah Vine and Andrew Pierce say about Jason Donovan’s bod at 55 AND his black nail varnish!” (The shouty caps and lack of a question mark are theirs.) Hardly a hot button issue. All the various scandals, conflicts and crises in the news? Nah, let’s go for Scott from Neighbours’ mildly surprising manicure.
The half-hour runtime is divided into three parts: Nuclear Reaction (the Post Office saga), Royal Reaction (“poor old Prince Andrew”) and Allergic Reaction (the celebrity stories vexing our hosts). They also crowbar in some anti-trans rhetoric, seemingly for the sake of it.
Like a culture wars Statler and Waldorf, neither has a good word to say about anyone. Former post office operator Alan Bates is sneeringly described as a “now saintly figure”. Nicola Sturgeon is “horrible and ghastly”, George Clooney “a woke warrior”, Amal Clooney “a human rights bore”.
Despite the Duke of York’s links to convicted sex traffickers, the Duchess of Sussex is “the least popular royal and deservedly so”. This wearying negativity even extends to Oxo cubes, which Vine decries as “disgusting” before clapping her hand over her mouth. Pierce gently points out that Oxo is probably a major Mail advertiser.
The trouble is, this live TV lark is actually quite difficult. Ominously, the show started four minutes late. The hosts often gaze down the wrong camera or forget to look at one at all. Together with a lack of viewer interaction, this has an excluding effect. It feels like Vine and Pierce are chatting to each other but blanking the audience.
There’s a reason why journalists tend to specialise in either print or broadcast – because for every transferable skill that overlaps, there’s one that doesn’t. Vine is accustomed to appearing as a talking head on such illustrious institutions as Piers Morgan Uncensored and The Darren Grimes Show. Hosting one’s own vehicle is a whole different rodeo. She looks flustered and loses her thread. Pierce is slicker, albeit inordinately pleased with himself.
They forget several names they try to drop. Jeffrey Epstein’s lawyer Alan Dershowitz becomes “Dersh-something-or-other”. The 007 actor Daniel Craig is “Daniel what’s-he-called”. Diver Tom Daley, who soon turns 30, is “that sweet little boy”. Viewers are promised “big-name guests”. There is no sign of any name of any magnitude.
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It is all drily non-visual, too. Not a single clip is used, just the odd still. Producers effectively plonked cameras in front of a podcast and hoped it qualified as television. At the time of writing, it has clocked up 2,500 views. A livestreamed Oxo cube would probably get more.
The Mail gleefully lambasts the BBC and Channel 4 at every opportunity. At least programmes on those broadcasters have a sheen of professionalism. The same can’t be said for Vine and Pierce’s effort, which is like being stuck at the world’s worst dinner party. Pass the polenta and try not to mention Brexit, you’ll only set them off again.
The Reaction calls itself “a new kind of talkshow”. I suppose it is, just not in a good way. You’d hope this flailing first attempt might be a chastening lesson. Perhaps they’ll realise its shortcomings, retool the format or hire warmer hosts.
Dream on. They’ll dismiss criticism as “liberal bias” and double down on their windbaggery. If you need me, I’ll be in my bunker.
