Name: Emophilia.
Age: The term is relatively new. The behaviour less so; it has probably been around since at least Genesis, would you Adam and Eve it? Although, they probably weren’t emophiliacs …
Eh? Doesn’t it have something to do with blood not clotting properly? I can see how it could be confusing, particularly for cockneys and other H-droppers. But no, that’s haemophilia. This is emophilia.
Does it have to do with 90s alternative rock? Closer. It’s about love.
Oh good. It may not be good. You know the people who repeatedly fall in love, and say they’ve found “the one”, before immediately splitting up and starting the cycle all over again with someone else? That’s emophilia.
Says who? Dr Daniel Jones, associate professor of psychology at the University of Nevada. He came up with the term.
What would someone who was highly emophiliac be like? They would repeatedly “seek the rush of romantic emotions, immediate romantic connections and the rapid development of romantic love,” says Jones.
“Doctor Jones, Jones, calling Doctor Jones …” Oh my God, that awful song by 90s (very un-emo) Scandi dance-pop group Aqua! No, nothing at all to do with that. Though it did begin: “Sometimes the feelin’ is right / You fall in love for the first time.”
To be fair, I think it was (nominally) about Indiana Jones. Let’s get back to emophilia and Daniel Jones, though. Good plan. He says that falling in love immediately or with little information about someone can cause problems. “Although it is not a pathology, elevated levels of emophilia can result in risky behaviours.”
Such as? Ignoring red flags, or having unsafe sex, because of a premature “sense of trust, commitment, and an interpersonal bond”. Jones’s studies have found that people high in emophilia may perjure themselves for a partner and are more likely to lie and cover for a partner, even if they have just met them.
Does he have any advice for emophiliacs? “Those who sell themselves well on initial dates and are smooth and charming sometimes have an agenda and will use that rush of excitement for later exploitation. Red flags for more harmful behaviour should be more compromising than red flags due to boringness.”
In other words, be patient and give people who might seem boring a chance. Give us a chance!
Do say: “You may be the one. But given that we’ve only just met and I don’t even know your name, shall we have a coffee before having sex and then committing to each other for ever?”
Don’t say: “Ah-yippie-yi-ooh, ah-yippie-yi-yeah.”
