The Big Read: As high costs bite and parents age, some singles and married couples are choosing not to fly the coop

Her arrangement is unusual in Singapore, where the question “Do you want to apply for a BTO flat with me?” is synonymous with a wedding proposal. 

But there are those who did get their own house, only to return to the nest as life circumstances nudged them back.

Madam Nur, a 41-year-old administrator who has been married for 16 years, moved in with her father-in-law three years ago after her mother-in-law’s passing.

Her father-in-law, now in his 70s, did not want to move or sell his four-room flat. After the minimum occupancy period for Madam Nur’s resale flat ended, she and her husband sold it and moved in with him.

It was not an easy decision to make, she said.

“We had spent S$100,000 on renovations, and it was a five-room unit, so I really loved that flat,” she said of her marital home.

“But as my father-in-law got older, we felt it was important to live with him so he wouldn’t be alone.”

She noted that most people want their own place after marriage because it shows independence, but every family’s situation is different. 

“Some, like us, need to care for our single parent. For my husband, it’s also about not having regrets about not spending enough time with his dad.”

Similarly, a 39-year-old interior stylist who wanted to be known only as Ms Tey, lives with her husband and mother in a three-bedroom dual-key condominium unit, so that her mother can take it easy in her golden years.

A dual-key unit has two independent living areas connected by a common foyer, offering the feel of two homes within a single property. 

For over 30 years before moving in with Ms Tey in 2013, her widowed mother, originally from Johor Bahru, crossed the Causeway daily as she worked as a sales executive in Singapore.

“My mum used to work very late, and having a home in Singapore meant she didn’t have to travel back to JB late at night. I can take care of her and be assured of her well-being,” said Ms Tey, whose father died when she was young. 

As a result, Ms Tey admitted, she and her husband did not get the chance to enjoy a “newlywed period”. There were also lifestyle differences between Ms Tey and her now-retired mother, which required adjustments as she did not want the 66-year-old to “feel like a tenant” in their 996 sq ft home.

Meanwhile, some couples, like marketing manager Jacelyn Phang, 34, and her husband, 36, generate passive income from staying with their parents. 

They had bought a condominium unit and are renting it out now for S$3,000 a month while living in her parents’ 1,400 sq ft condo. 

“Our long-term goal is to accumulate enough savings to retire early and spend more time with family instead of working so much,” said Ms Phang.