You work hard and are proud of what you do. You’re a great performer. You stay late and push your teams to complete the work faster, on time, and without errors. You’ve been going all year pushing and grinding, then you go in for your monthly review. You sit down with your manager, and instead of praising your work, they say something that makes you feel three inches tall.
Has this ever happened to you? You probably felt deflated, angry, sad, and surprised. You may have wondered: How did this happen? I delivered on what we agreed. Why doesn’t my boss see it? Whether your manager’s comment was intentionally mean or not, you can’t forget it—even weeks later. If you know you should just let the remark pass, but you’re still replaying it, here’s how you can move forward.
Are you taking the critique too personally?
While you have the right to your feelings, recognize that you might be extra sensitive about the work being critiqued, given your closeness to the project. Ask yourself: Am I taking this too personally?
Depending on what was said, your manager’s errant comment may not have meant much; they could have been busy, caught in back-to-back meetings, and unaware of how their remarks landed. Consider the comment in the overall context of how work gets done in the organization—maybe it was in line with how feedback is usually delivered. If the critique has merit yet was delivered without care, let it lie. Take the note and move on.
That said, if the comment is way out of line, schedule a meeting with human resources for support: You should never be bullied or harassed on the job.
Move your body and try to let it go
Stewing over the remark wastes energy and steals your focus from meaningful work. Interrupt your thinking by doing something physical: going to the gym, swimming, playing a game of pickleball, etc.
No one else is thinking about your boss’s critique like you are. If you’re dwelling on the comment and losing sleep over it—you’re likely the only one. Break the cycle of overthinking, and avoid making the situation more of an issue than it is.
