Mama’s Boys Dating Tips, According to a Dating Therapist

Travis Kelce has made being a mama’s boy cool again. But prior to that, many people considered that mother-son closeness to be the ultimate dating ick. After all, mama’s boys are best known for lacking boundaries, weaponizing incompetence, and not knowing when it’s time to latch off of their mother’s breasts, so to speak.

But the good thing about mama’s boys is that they’re not all “goo goo ga ga” for the women that birthed them: Fortunately, there is a breed of mama’s boys out there who not only love and respect their mothers, but are also capable of doing their laundry, throwing their trash away, and buying groceries, too. (They just may not all look like Kelce, unfortunately.)

With both pros and cons to consider, though, many people still question the debate: Are mama’s boys actually dateable? With the help of relationship expert Nicole Moore, let’s discuss below.

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Nicole Moore is a relationship therapist and founder of the “Love Works Method,” a program that has helped people find lasting love fast.

What Is a Mama’s Boy?

A mama’s boy is a term used to describe a man who is very close to his mom, and perhaps easily influenced by her, as well. Though there are many different positive and negative connotations to the term, a mama’s boy is most often seen in a negative light. Of course, it’s not a bad thing to be close to your mother, but a mama’s boy tends to take it a step too far — often leaning on her for support or to make decisions for him when he’s a functioning adult.

Are Mama’s Boys Actually Dateable?

If you’re talking to a man who simply loves his mother but also has healthy boundaries with her, you should hold this mama’s boy tighter than the childhood blanket he may cling to at night. Moore tells PS that dating this kind of mama’s boy has its perks. “They are often inherently family-focused men, which is a plus if you’re a woman who wants to start a family with a romantic partner,” she says. “They also respect women since they have an immense amount of respect for their mother, and some are truly in touch, in a good way, with their feminine side.”

In other words, if words of affirmation is your love language, these mama’s boys have the ability to express their emotions more openly and confidently. (Perhaps with some sensual dirty talk as well?)

“You might quite literally end up feeling like you’re dealing with a man-child who doesn’t want to disappoint his mommy.”

On the opposite side of the spectrum, though, are the ones with codependent relationships with their mothers. According to Moore, these are the men who can’t do anything without their mother’s help and are often “easily influenced” by their mother. They may also share too many intimate details about the relationship with their mother. In these cases, these mama’s boys will often put their mother first over you. “You might end up feeling like you’re dealing with a man-child who doesn’t want to disappoint his mommy or step away from her at all,” Moore says.

They may also expect you to take on the caretaker role. “They may project the mother role onto you and expect you to cater to them like their mother does,” Moore says. “If your mama’s boy partner hasn’t learned basic adult skills because his mother has been taking care of everything for him, he may be mega resistant to learning those skills now.”

Sure, these mama’s boys may be tolerable, but trust me when I say your vagina will lack lubrication any time your partner asks his mom for permission to travel out of the state with you. If this is a no for you — and, let me be clear, it should be a no for you — Moore has some additional tips you can keep in mind when dating this type of mama’s boy.

Tips for Dating a Mama’s Boy

Yes, it is possible to have a healthy relationship with a mama’s boy, but it starts by setting boundaries early on in a relationship, Moore says.

Just know that your partner’s mom or partner may interpret your requests for boundaries as an attempt to alienate him from his mother. For this reason, Moore recommends you “preface any conversation about boundaries by first letting a mama’s boy know that you aren’t trying to make him turn on his mother, but you’re simply trying to protect the sacredness of your romantic relationship with him.”

According to Moore, here’s a script you can use: “I really respect that you love and care about your mother so much, and I don’t want to do anything to diminish that relationship. But I do feel like you sometimes prioritize your mother over our relationship. I want to feel fully chosen and like you are giving your full self to me because I’m giving my full self to you. Would it be possible for you to XYZ?” The “XYZ” here may be a request for uninterrupted quality time or for greater boundaries in the sharing of intimate details with the overbearing mother in question.

It may also be helpful to practice empathy when dating a mama’s boy. “Mama’s boys are often terrified of hurting, disappointing, or losing their close connection with their mother, so just be aware that although your requests for boundaries or changes are very logical, they might have to be processed first by your partner’s primitive emotional mind before he comes around to the logic side,” Moore says. “If you can understand that your partner is afraid to make these changes on some level, it can help you be more patient with him instead of expecting him to change immediately.”

That said, if you’ve repeatedly asked your partner to set boundaries with their mother and they refuse to, dating a mama’s boy may not be for you. And if coddling your partner’s ego or feelings is the easiest way to kill your libido, again, this may not be for you. Because let’s be clear: No one should feel like they’re the third wheel in their relationship — especially not when it’s you, your partner, and their mom.

Taylor Andrews is a Balance editor at PS who specializes in topics relating to sex, relationships, dating, sexual health, mental health, and more.