So one terrible day a tree lopper came with terrible chainsaws and soon the tree was just a whirling buzz of woodchips. The hole in our garden was like a brutalised mouth. Neighbours’ windows looked into our bathroom. The light was wrong.
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We were literally staggered by the reality of choosing something that might or might not happen one day over embracing what’s happening right now. Of being afraid enough of the unknown to literally cut it off at the knees.
Practically, I’m still confident our brutal choice was right. But it’s made me think about living in the present versus future-based decisions. How we all dedicate ourselves to squirrelling away our super for the next age and don’t paint our walls with colour in case it affects resale value.
These days living in the moment – mindfulness – is a full-blown industry. While there’s still not tons of scientific evidence to support the practice, a 2010 study into mental wellbeing by Harvard University psychologists found, yes, happiness is created by being present and that thinking ahead, even about pleasant things, makes people more miserable.
The trick for me would be a hybrid model. Big picture planning – career, health, finances – while leaving room for day-to-day spontaneity. Recognising that everything, good and bad, is temporary so I can stop clinging to it or fearing the future.
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I’ve always been a planner. Looked forward to holidays as if life is what happens between airports. Looked forward to a bad fringe growing out, to the last months of pregnancy, to weddings. I’m now obsessed with looking forward to retirement.
But the lost tree has flicked a switch. What I really want is to not see the present as busy and boring and expensive, something to tick off or sleep off, but to understand this actual moment is all I have that’s guaranteed.
My own thermal long johns are being stowed with spring upon us, but another tree is being planned for the empty space. I don’t even need fast-growing, just something else that gives the best free things – a mix of sun and shade, new beginnings.
Kate Halfpenny is the founder of Bad Mother Media.
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