Breaking the exercise rules that we have set up can help.
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“Perfectionism is a real issue for people,” says Davis-McCabe. “They feel extremely bad about themselves because it wasn’t perfect or didn’t go exactly as planned. And I think that that kind of sets us up to fail.
“We’ve got to develop realistic and healthy habits.”
That means lowering the bar of our expectations and starting small.
Forget the bar
Instead of an all-or-nothing attitude, try an ‘all-or-something’ attitude because every move we make benefits us.
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A fundamental part of creating a habit is making it so small it takes the friction out of starting. That means we’re more likely to start and by starting, we gain momentum.
If “small” means putting on your shoes and driving to the park and back then that is what it is. Forget the bar of “should”, it’s about creating new habits and new, positive associations in our brain.
For Williamson, a personal trainer and author of Two Minute Moves and the upcoming The Active Workday Advantage, starting back meant finding her fitness at home, doing a few push-ups at the kitchen bench each day.
“It made me feel like I was achieving something, even though it felt really, really ridiculously small,” she says. “It meant that the next day I was like, ‘OK, I can do those few push-ups at my kitchen bench again’ – and do it the next day and the next.”
Exercise can be done anytime, anywhere.Credit: iStock
Slowly, she built up, adding a little – some squats and a few more push-ups here, a dance around the kitchen there – and subtracting a little when she didn’t have it in her. It meant she didn’t need to face going to the gym or buying new clothes or finding an hour in her day.
“We think it’s the big stuff we need, but in fact, so often it’s those little small, consistent things that we do every day that make the big difference.”
Choose your own adventure
“Maybe you’re not a runner, maybe another kind of activity is going to be better for you,” says Davis-McCabe. “And it’s about working that out.”
Even people who find fitness fun, don’t enjoy all forms of it, so see it as an experiment and try out different activities to discover what you enjoy. Though, remember we typically don’t enjoy the activities we find hard at first, so instead of saying, “This is not fun, it’s not for me”, try: “I’m not good at this yet, let me see once I get a little better if I like it.”
And while some people prefer exercising by themselves, for others, like Davis-McCabe, the reward is socialising.
“I find it hard to motivate myself to exercise, but I do a group fitness class with some friends, and afterwards, every time we celebrate – we all go for a coffee together,” she says. “And sometimes it’s the coffee that gets me out.”
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Research suggests that being alongside friends makes a task feel less daunting – it also makes physical activity more enjoyable – which matters if the thought of starting a fitness regimen feels overwhelming or like a chore. The key is knowing there is no right way to move.
Find an internal motivation
Some people want to begin to exercise because of an external motivation, for example, they want to look good for an event.
For lasting change, we need to find an internal motivation.
“Intrinsic motivation is engaging in something that we find personally rewarding. We keep doing it for satisfaction or enjoyment rather than external factors that can pass,” says Davis-McCabe.
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Staying motivated intrinsically with exercise can be done through realistic goal setting and positive self-talk.
For Williamson, who insists she isn’t motivated but that she has a good motivation to move, the internal catalyst is the knowledge of how she will feel afterwards and how it will affect her mood, the way she parents and the way she shows up in her life.
“I like to swap two letters in ‘exercise’ to make it ‘energise’,” she explains.
“Rather than ‘I need to exercise today’, I make it ‘I need to energise today’. On those days when you think, ‘I don’t have the energy, the time, I hate exercise’, it can feel a bit better, and it can feel a bit easier.”
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