“I didn’t know what to say, so I avoided him.”
That’s what a leader confessed to me during a coaching session, his voice low with shame. One of his team members had just lost a child, and instead of reaching out, he kept his distance. “What could I possibly say to make it better?” he asked me. “I was terrified I’d make things worse.”
It’s a moment many leaders face but few talk about. When employees are dealing with loss, crisis, or personal hardship, the instinct to avoid, to stay in the safe zone of tasks and deadlines, can be overwhelming. But leadership during hard times isn’t about having the perfect words—it’s about having the courage to show up.
The Emotional Weight of Hardship
Hardship can take many forms: a natural disaster, economic uncertainty, a significant organizational change, or even the loss of a beloved team member. These situations disrupt normalcy, destabilize routines, and often leave employees carrying emotional burdens into the workplace.
But hardship isn’t just personal—it’s collective. When one person’s world is shaken, the ripple effects can touch entire teams. For example:
- A team grappling with layoffs may experience anxiety and survivor’s guilt.
- An employee returning to work after a family emergency might struggle with focus or emotional exhaustion.
- A department affected by a major project setback could feel disoriented or demotivated.
Ronald Heifetz, a pioneer in adaptive leadership—a practice of mobilizing people to tackle tough challenges by addressing underlying behaviors—teaches that hardship disrupts more than just routines. It challenges identities and certainties. A leader’s role is not to mask this discomfort but to create a holding environment—a safe space where people can process emotions, confront challenges, and begin adapting to new realities.
Creating a Holding Environment: Practical Steps
A holding environment is both a physical and psychological construct. It’s a space—literal or metaphorical—where people feel safe enough to express vulnerability and work through challenges. Here’s how leaders can create one:
