You won’t have Geoff “DoorDash” Diehl to kick around anymore.
That’s right, Massachusetts politics’ perennial loser, the caporegime of the state Republican party’s bust-out Kool Aid Kult, will not be desperately seeking office again in 2024.
You know what I’m going to miss most about DoorDash’s reluctant decision not to get stomped this year?
His concession speech.
You see, DoorDash has unparalleled experience in delivering concession speeches, because nobody loses more political races than Diehl.
Every time out of the box, he gets trounced more resoundingly than he did the previous time.
From state Senate in 2015, to US Senate in 2018, to governor in 2022 – each Diehl campaign is less serious, more pathetic than the previous one.
Geoff Diehl – a sheep in sheep’s clothing.
But just a few weeks ago, on March 18, DoorDash was promoting a new grift, er campaign.
He sent out a groveling email to that ever-dwindling band of knuckleheads who still believe he’s a serious human being.
It was mainly a plea to send him money to pay off his debts from his catastrophic 2022 campaign for governor, during which he picked up his second nickname – “Deadbeat.”
But after begging for funds to clean up his 2022 debts, this was Deadbeat’s final paragraph:
“I am also considering a run for State Senate to work on the difficult issues facing the Commonwealth right now. Stay tuned for more information related to that potential campaign.”
Uh, never mind!
The filing deadline to get on the fall ballot was April 30. DoorDash filed zero signatures. All he needed was 150.
Okay, we can all understand why he wouldn’t want to absorb another pounding. But why run another flim-flam on his loyal knuckleheads?
I called DoorDash yesterday to ask him about this bait-and-switch operation, but he didn’t get back to me.
For years, DoorDash was the front chump for the Kool Aid Kult. That was the crew run by Jim “Jones” Lyons, who as party chairman almost singlehandedly destroyed the state GOP in 2019-23.
The money man behind the Kool Aid Kult is Rick Green, who’s made his fortune peddling auto parts. Green has larded his company’s payroll with a bunch of dodgy GOP losers, including Diehl, who was previously employed as an Uber driver (4.93 rating!).
Diehl, Lyons and Green – the Kool Aid Kult. They call everybody else RINO’s. They’re the Trump diehards.
Odd, because Diehl has admitted taking a Democrat ballot to vote for Joe Biden in the 2008 presidential primary. Lyons was an actual Democrat candidate for the Legislature from Arlington in 1982, when Reagan was president.
And Green was a rabid never-Trumper, backing John Kasich in 2016 before switching over to Ron DeSantis this year.
Next to nobody responded to Diehl’s fundraising plea. Like the numbers of votes he gets, Diehl raises less and less money with each pitch to the rubes. Since his plea for cash on March 18, Diehl has only collected $660 in individual contributions, according to OCPF records.
One local yokel who’s been handing Diehl $100 every month is one Russell Morris of Gloucester. He used to be thisclose to Diehl’s 2022 campaign manager, Amanda Orlando.
Morris gave Diehl $100 on April 10, after duking him $100 on March 8.
It’s not big money, but still, Morris has some heavy expenses. According to the Essex County district attorney, his criminal trial in Salem Superior Court is scheduled to begin Oct. 7.
Diehl’s most ardent supporter is charged with, among other heinous crimes, rape of a child with force and indecent assault and battery on a child under 14.
DoorDash has been photographed on social media with this guy and Amando Orlando. It’s easy to see why an accused pedophile would support Diehl – in 2022, DoorDash ran on the platform of restoring “our Christian foundational values.”
What will Diehl do now with all this time on his hands? Well, perhaps he can prepare to testify in that upcoming civil trial over the hundreds of thousands of dollars left in unpaid bills from his latest calamitous campaign in 2022. He just got a subpoena last week.
The MassGOP, under new, not-insane management, is being sued for more than $400,000 from a vendor who claims the party owes him for his, uh, services.
As just one example of how wisely that money was spent, according to the vendor’s civil complaint, the Diehl campaign was billed $12,500 for the “production” of four radio spots.
Take it from someone who knows — $3,125 to “produce” a single radio spot is very, very pricey.
But then, Diehl was an easy mark. He’s a boob. Look how many Democrats have rolled him over the years.
In saying they’re not responsible for the bills from Diehl’s absurd campaign, the state GOP points out that many of the ads in question “were placed in the name of the Geoff Diehl campaign.”
But now Deadbeat Diehl says, in effect, “Who, me? Why should I be held responsible for hundreds of thousands of dollars in spots placed in my name?”
In trying to weasel out of the ad buys made for him, Diehl whined in his plea for cash, “No member of the Diehl Committee nor the Committee itself has been named as defendant in that lawsuit.”
That’s because you can’t get blood from a stone. Or from an Uber driver.
Now that he’s out of the 2024 election cycle, how will DoorDash pass the time, beyond trying to dodge his creditors?
Does he commiserate with the other knuckleheads about how they’re not to blame, and how they’ve been framed… by RINO’s.
Do the Kool Aid Kultists reminisce about their big scores in the COVID welfare sweepstakes?
Diehl’s wife had $12,723 “forgiven” for her small — very small — business. Jim “Jones” Lyons did even better — $21,446 in the first round of handouts, another $27,436 in the second round.
At least DoorDash and Jim Jones just pocketed the cash and laughed all the way to the bank.
Another charter member of the Kult, ex-Sen. Dean Tran, has been indicted by the feds, charged with stealing $30,120 in COVID “unemployment” payments, while he was employed.
Did I mention that the Kool Aid Kult is very angry about the abuse of welfare in the US?
So DoorDash Diehl is not running this year. The knuckleheads are sad, because as horrible as the rest of the cartoonist Kult characters are, DoorDash was even more buffoonish than most. His campaigns are always a laff riot.
Look on the bright side, though – Diehl will be tanned, rested and ready to go for 2026.
I’ll bet he’s already working on his next concession speech.
(Order Howie’s new book, “Paper Boy: Read All About It!” at howiecarrshow.com or amazon.com.)
