Ella Mai’s Private Relationship Inspired My New Dating Style

If it’s not music related, Ella Mai rarely finds herself in front of the camera. Although the artist has more than four million followers on Instagram, the “Boo’d Up” singer keeps her personal life private, including her relationship with NBA basketball player Jayson Tatum.

In late June, however, Mai surprised fans when she was spotted sporting a Tatum Celtics jersey with an alleged baby bump shortly after the Boston Celtics won the NBA finals. Most people probably thought, “Wait, Ella is still dating Jayson Tatum?” But I felt truly inspired by Mai’s approach to her relationships.

The fact that there’s little to no information out there about Mai and Tatum’s relationship says a lot about her. She doesn’t post him on Instagram or rave about him in TikTok videos, and the two are rarely ever pictured together. And yet, she looks happy. There’s an air of maturity that comes with not broadcasting your personal life on social media that’s foreign to me, but it made me inspired to master.

When it comes to my love life, I love being boo’d up and sharing my dating antics online. From filming “how we met” and “GRWM for a first date” TikTok videos to uploading a hand-holding photo on my Instagram, I love sharing my dating journey. Even if that means I also have to eventually announce the end of another talking stage. But since seeing how peaceful Mai’s relationship seems out of the spotlight, I’ve asked myself, who am I posting these things for? Because the answer was literally for everyone else but myself.

My last situationship lasted a lot longer than it should have because I got caught up in the idea of posting a “perfect” relationship online rather than actually being in one. We had countless date nights, dog playdates at the park, cute airport pickups with flowers, and my Instagram Stories saw every bit of it. I convinced myself the “no face, no case” method would protect me from the “Hey Girlie” texts, and it did. What it didn’t protect me from were the “Where yo man at?” questions from followers after the relationship ended. It was gut wrenching enough having to accept the end of what I thought was my happily ever after. But acknowledging it publicly with people wondering why I wasn’t posting? A humbling experience I only wish on my worst enemy.

Even beyond my ego though, I used to put a lot of pressure on myself to do what I thought I was supposed to do on social media. If I liked someone, I thought I should show that I’m proud to be with them. If I was going through heartbreak, I thought I should show how I’m processing those emotions. But putting myself on display for people who don’t know me as if I had something to prove felt dishonest to the woman I want to be.

I can’t relate to Ella Mai on a lot of things. I don’t know what it’s like to have platinum plaques or be nominated twice for a Grammy. But I can relate to dating as a Black woman. I understand the stressors we experience just leaving the house and stepping into the world. I understand the transformations we’re forced to take on to be accepted, to ensure we’re not taken advantage of, but also not come off as threatening. More importantly, I know what it’s like to simply want a peaceful life.

But by choosing to be in my Ella Mai era moving forward, I’m going to keep my dating life more private. I imagine it will allow me to appreciate the moments in real time and not get distracted by delusional public approval that doesn’t really matter anyway.

Will I never post my man ever again? Honey, even your grandma will see my wedding announcement on whatever aged out platform is still hanging on by then. The difference is, when it gets to that point, I’ll post because I reached a place of satisfaction within myself regardless of the validation from the outside world.

Breanna Chionne is an LA-based content creator and storyteller who loves to take up space while sharing her unique perspectives on life. Originally from Washington “Chocolate City” DC, Breanna takes pride in using her platforms to make sure Black women always feel seen. Think of her as your sex-positive, beauty-loving bestie with a tiny true crime obsession and a million stories to tell.