DEAR ABBY: I’m a millennial. I am successful in my career and lucky to have a loving husband and two amazing children. I am, however, trying to remind myself to be “better and not bitter” in another huge area of my life.
The world is changing so quickly, especially in the field of in vitro fertilization. I know I have much to be thankful for, but I’m finding it a hard pill to swallow that many of our older parents are choosing to have another set of kids in their later years. My father, who is in his mid-60s, has just had twins with his third wife. His children are younger than mine.
I feel entirely replaced by his new family. Rather than being a present father and grandfather, he has nearly disappeared. I thank God that my mother is a proud and devoted grandmother to my children. In addition to his disappearing act, Dad has decided to leave all of his assets to his third wife and the twins. They call my kids their twins’ “cousins”!
A number of my friends also have a parent who has chosen to start their lives over in this way, including their mothers, who, in their later years, have had babies via surrogate. This is so painful. How do I, and the younger generations, overcome this feeling of abandonment? — BIG SISTER IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR SISTER: I can’t speak for the others, but you are blessed with a loving husband and two amazing children. A step in the right direction would be to concentrate on those blessings you have. You are lucky at your age to still have a living father.
Parents are free to live their own lives when their children reach adulthood. As you point out, what your father has done is not uncommon. Please, for your own sake, stop blaming him and embrace the life that you have.
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TO MY READERS: For those who celebrate Easter, I wish you all a meaningful and memorable day. Happy Easter, everyone. — LOVE, ABBY
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
