Over time, you can’t help but start thinking that maybe you’re being dramatic. Or that you must have a low pain threshold. Or that asking your GP about a different medical issue could make you seem like an attention seeker or a hypochondriac.
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All of these experiences, and the countless others that women hear or endure in the health system, slowly find each other and unite, quietly building away in the back of your subconscious. Sometimes, this ever-growing dossier exists but remains powerless, and the ability to believe in your own symptoms is never lost. But sometimes, it isn’t until you find yourself saying out loud that you thought you’d imagined a broken wrist that you realise the combined power all of those moments have over you.
One of the stated primary aims of the government’s inquiry is to investigate what the gender pain gap looks like today, and how it can be addressed so that future generations of women and girls aren’t forced to endure these experiences. While that is a wholly good thing, for any change to be meaningful and long-term, a mass unlearning will also need to occur.
There is the unlearning of unconscious biases that medical professionals must embark on before relearning that women generally experience more recurrent, severe and long-term pain than men, that chronic illness is more common in women, and that despite these facts, women are still less likely to receive the same level of treatment or pain relief than men.
But it is also an unlearning of phrases like “it’s not that bad” and “I’ll power through”. Unlearning that finding refuge on cool bathroom tiles or curled up in the foetal position with hot water bottles isn’t normal. Relearning that if one doctor is dismissive, you should find another and keep going until the source of the pain is diagnosed and treated.
This lasting distrust in ourselves, in the messages our bodies are sending when they emit pain, is perhaps the most painful experience of all. The searing, stabbing, throbbing, aching experiences all eventually pass. But the inability to trust your own body is a pain that lasts much longer.
Katy Hall is deputy opinion editor.
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