How leaders can curb incivility in the workplace

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Do you remember this familiar adage that we were taught in elementary school? How did that work out during recess? I don’t know about you, but for me, recess was one of the most treacherous times during the school day. For 45 minutes, we had a reprieve from the structure of the classroom and we could roam out of earshot of our teachers. Some of the most vicious words were spewed in almost a whisper, low enough not to catch the attention of our teacher but loud enough to deliver a verbal knockout punch to the intended recipient and onlookers. 

As adults, we know (as we did as children) that uncivil words can be more harmful and have a greater impact on our hearts, minds, and bones than sticks and stones. This is especially true in the workplace. In the workplace, incivility caused by words can lead to a toxic environment, lasting emotional scars, and decreased productivity. 

According to research conducted by the Society of Human Resource Management (SHRM), there are over 190 million acts of incivility per day (and 71 million acts of incivility per day once you get settled into the office). It takes about 31 minutes to recover from an act of incivility, which can cost $17.03 per incident in work productivity. Moreover, 40% of employees want to leave their jobs because of incivility in the workplace.

I bet you didn’t think words could cost your company that much money. These figures indicate that workplace incivility is not inconsequential, and leaders must recognize that workplace incivility is an existential, extinction-level threat to their organization.

Here are three actionable practices leaders can use to thwart the threat of extinction from a workplace culture of incivility. 

Link civility to organizational core values 

I tell my clients that the first step to reducing incivility is to connect civil, respectful, and inclusive behavior to the organization’s core values. Rather than providing broad definitions, specifically define your core values and make it clear how civility is embedded in each one. 

Recently, I had discussions with two different clients on a common issue: pushback from some employees regarding their efforts to support their transgender colleagues. A recurring theme in both conversations was employees expressing firm, inflexible beliefs—namely, that the company couldn’t make them change these beliefs. While it’s true that a company isn’t in the business of changing deep-seated personal beliefs, it is in the business of ensuring that employees’ values and behaviors align with its core values.

Most well-established companies have core values that clearly communicate how the company treats its employees, customers, and community. Internally, these values set the standard for respectful and appropriate behavior within the workplace. Core values act as guardrails that help reduce or manage friction among employees. For many companies, civility, respect, and inclusiveness have become de facto core values it feels like a foregone conclusion, that we should treat each other with respect and civilly, we learned that in grade school, right? 

However, even if civility is it isn’t formally listed among the company’s permanent values, when employees assert, “You (as the company or leader) can’t make me change my beliefs,” I recommend revisiting the company’s core values together.

The company is not asking employees to change their personal beliefs. Rather, it’s saying, “While you are part of this company, you are expected to operate in alignment with our principles, ideals, and values.” It doesn’t matter whether you feel it’s “right” (often a moral judgment) for two men to be married, just as we don’t take an interest in who anyone else chooses to marry. What matters is that you treat your colleagues, customers, and stakeholders with dignity, respect, and any other core values that shape our culture. Full stop.

Establish a zero-tolerance policy

Managers should ensure the organization has clear policies that define workplace civility, respect, and appropriate behavior. These policies should address not only overt harassment but also microaggressions, inappropriate comments, and hostile interactions.

I worked in an organization where it appeared that one person was able to get away with anything and no one addressed their behavior. I was running a meeting, and this individual became upset that I did not side with them on a decision. In a manner that I would expect of my two-year-old daughter, this person made an underhanded comment and then abruptly left the meeting. This type of behavior was typical of this person. 

Neither this person’s supervisor nor any other leader more senior than me corrected the behavior. It felt like they abdicated their responsibility of maintaining a work environment free of uncivil behavior. And to be honest, because of where I stood in the hierarchy—I was a senior leader but was new to the organization without any political capital—I became complicit and did not address this person’s behavior directly.  

By communicating with zero tolerance and a culture of respect and belonging regularly, employees understand the expectations for professional conduct and the consequences for violating them. Clear policies provide a permission structure for employees to hold each other accountable and call out harmful behavior. Moreover, managers should embed respect in the employee review process. This signals that creating a culture of civility is everyone’s responsibility and everyone will be held accountable to ensure a harmonious work environment. 

Provide training on workplace civility  

To ensure everyone understands the company’s values—and has the awareness, knowledge, and skills to apply them in daily work—companies should offer learning and development opportunities centered on their core values and mapped to civility, respect, and inclusion.  

Offering training on conflict resolution, inclusive communication, and diversity can help employees navigate difficult conversations more respectfully. Ensuring that all employees are aware of their unconscious biases and equipped with tools for respectful engagement can help diffuse tensions, especially during politically or emotionally charged times.

Train employees on empathetic listening. Leaders should encourage open dialogue while promoting a culture of empathetic listening, where employees feel heard and respected, even in disagreements. This can be achieved through regular check-ins, listening sessions, or feedback mechanisms where employees can voice their concerns about the workplace climate. Empathetic listening helps managers address issues before they escalate into more serious conflicts.

Leaders must hold their employees accountable for applying the skills learned from the training to their day-to-day practices. Training without application and accountability is a waste of time and money,